It's a black Tuesday

Have you ever been so angry till you are shivering?

I just experienced it this morning.
I totally loose it, shivering and overwhelmed with acute anger!

I woke up slightly early as I had realised that Sunny did not poo last evening and he drank a lot of water before bed time and he did not empty his bowel.

The first thing I did was to release Sunny from his cage and then tried to put him on his pee pan to pee. He didn't.

I walked into the kitchen to prepare food for him and realise that he disappeared. I called out to him and he appeared again apparently from the room. I sensed something is wrong as his paws were wet. I quickly went into the bedroom and to my horror ( I kind of suspected that this would occur ) that he had peed on the bed.

I don't want to elaborate how I punished him for I not want someone from SPCA reading this and sue me for animal abuse.

I was late for my meeting having to clean up the mess.

Smell the flowers

Siew Boon always says take time to smell the flowers.

I guess I should take some time off now to smell the roses.

They do smell nice, very faint floral scent. It does relax me a little.

I pray to God that He will have mercy on me and make Sunny pee on the pee pan.

Amen

I am not a Warrior but a Worrier

Sometimes, life is such an irony!

I have been trying to escape responsibility by avoiding having a family. I understand that I would not be capable of living a joyful life. "Mark" is supposed to mean "Warrior" biblically, but I am a Worrier instead. And it is because of this personality that will somehow swing my mood southward.

When Sunny came into my life, I worry so much and indeed, it was not a joy having Sunny in my life at all.
I worry whether he is itching too much.
I worry about whether he is too lonely at home being home alone so many hours in a day.
I worry about his skin allergy.
I worry about his peeing habit.
I simply worry about everything and it affects my mood.

Sunny is still peeing on the floor.
And now I am worrying about whether my loosing control of my temper will cause him to grow up emotionally unstable. So I heard about owner passing emotional problem to his pet dog.

You see, even I tried very hard telling myself not to get angry when Sunny pee on the floor, but once he does it, I totally loose control.
I scream at him, hit him, pull his ears, and scream at him again at the top of my voice. I bang things and my screaming at him will last for quite a long while. Then I ignore him.

I am loosing control of myself. It is causing too much stress to me. It is both not healthy for me and for Sunny too.

To me, it is really a hassle to clean up after him.
Once he pees on the floor, I have to:
- dry his paws first before he walks every where and stain the floor with his urine.
- remove the pee pan from the wet floor to clean the base as it gets soak in his urine. Sometimes I have to wash the pee pan.
- then I remove the newspapers which is soaked in his urine.
- after that I have to dry up the urine
- this will follow with mopping the floor with deltox
- then I will have to lay clean newspapers
- and then place back the pee pan on the clean newspapers

This process will take about 15 mins.

Sunny will pee at least three times a day.

This is so unproductive and all this could be avoided if only Sunny pees in the pee pan. Is God going to let this go on until I know how to control my temper? Or insanity or stress induced cancer going to get me first?

God!
I am angry
I am an angry person

How long are you going to subdue me???

I am still ugly, maybe even uglier

It has been two months.
Sunny is still peeing on the floor.

I prayed to God that if that is His way to tame me,
then give me the patience and endurance to live up to Sunny.

I told myself many times to keep cool and just clean up the mess.
But each time, I will give Sunny really thunderous trashing and merciless beating when he pee at the wrong place.

I am just sick of cleaning up the floor, mopping the floor, wiping his pee stained paws. I find that the time wasted cleaning up could be voided.

In fact, Sunny has reduce his peeing frequency instead of peeing in the pee pan. He got it all wrong, I am angry with him peeing on the floor not him peeing.

For these two months, I have tried various ways to solve this problem. When I realised that he was not stepping onto the pee pan to pee, I bought another kind of pee pan hoping that the feel on the pee pan when Sunny step on it will be more comfortable for him. It didn't work.

I used newspapers instead of the pee pan but he also refused to step on the newspapers.

I did my best to solve the problem, even resort to cajoling him.

I failed.

Isn't it like that in life?

Sometimes, doing your best is just not good enough, it just don't solve the problem.

And what would you do then when face with situation like that?

I guess it will stress me out.
I just turn more ugly.

Disappointment

I am a disappointment!

Right from the first day I was born,
I was destined to be a disappointment.

I was a disappointment to my parents,
I was a disappointment to my grandma,
I was a disappointment to my friends.

I will die a disappointment!

And I hate this destiny!

Eat that Frog

I remember as I stepped into December,
I told myself that I will blog more often.
It's three weeks into December and I am far
from active in blogging.

Isn't it always like that.
We always have constructive plan,
the only thing is that the action part is missing.

I once read a book entitled " Eat that Frog"
A book in which the author advocates constructive living.
And how is the frog involve here?

It's an anology which he uses.
He says if you have to eat a frog alive,
it's no point sitting the whole day looking at it.
Just eat it up!

And if you need to eat two frogs,
eat the uglier one first, then the
other one will be easier to swallow.

I thought that was quite cleverly put.

For the whole of December,
I was really busy shopping for Christmas presents.
Hmm ... I kind of enjoy going down Orchard Road
in a weekday. Ha Ha! a luxury for working slave like me.

This year has been one after many years which I did not go on a holiday abroad. It was suppose to be Osaka and that was cancelled due to Derrick's work commitment. Then the Bangkok trip was put off after a massive riot in the Bangkok International airport.

But I somehow enjoy the non-hectic days, doing nothing in particular.
Like I say, its a luxury for city dwellers like us.

Must savour whatever is remaining before 2009 begins.

Beautiful Cool Morning

Love the weather these days.

Its so cooling and I could wake up late not having to

wake up early to get to work.

Today was exceptionally cooling.

It was drizzling when I woke up.

The morning sun which use to shine

its dazzling ray into my living room was

having a vacation today, behind the overcast.

The sunday morning was cool and peaceful.

And as I sat in my living room working on my laptop,

I can't help but fall in love with this season.

In Singapore, where it's hot and humid most part of the year,

a cool morning is something which I long for.

I love year end.

And there are many reasons for that.

For one, Christmas is just round the corner,

and it's the season of giving and thanks giving.

Then the nice cool weather is a nice change, and most of all

I get to rest a little from the hectic year.

Cool!

I just love year end.

Erinna's & Derrick's Birthday Bash

Yesterday

We celebrated Erinna's and Derrick's Birthday.

Birthday is a time whereby we get together

to dine and chat and keep our friendship burning.

As we age, get together like this is really a time

to relax in each others company.

It was heartening that we have celebrated

many birthdays together. And hoping that

whatever happens, our friendship

will keep us together, and be each other's

support if needed.

Among us, there are some who worry a little more than

others, and there are some that have to

shoulder and keep the family going. Each of

us faces different life challenges and we have

seen and went through with each other as we

ride through life's ups and downs.

We are not born into the same family,

but we somehow, as life destined, ended up

as friends for many years.

I hope and pray that there will be many more

birthdays for us to come together.

And for now,

happy birthday

Erinna & Derrick

Christmas Setting

As Christmas season is just around the corner, I've changed the blog's background colour to more Christmasty to summon in Christmas.

Christmas Shopping Spree

This year's Christmas decoration theme at Orchard Road is " Sweet Christmas". You will find brightly lit hanging lamp in the shape of sweets hanging from the trees along the road. Giant cup cakes along the pavement of the busy Orchard Road decorated and lit up the Christmas spirit in the air.

Shopping now adays could be a chore for me. My waist would give in to the long hour of walking and give me a ache which will send me looking for a cafe to rest. I am sure my sedatory life style has much to play in my deteriorating physical form. It would be a good idea if I start my jogging again.

Adeline had a swell time shopping on this trip. She ultimately bought this dress that she tried just before the mall closed at eleven.

We then headed to Cine-leisure for supper at the Hong Kong style restaurant. The place is packed with young consumers. I suddenly felt so old in the place.

Christmas, a season of giving, could also add to the stress to shopping as we rush to get gifts for all our love ones and friends. Sometimes, even deciding what to get could be a headache. It would be wise if you start planning and shopping early to reduce the Christmas Shopping induced Stress.

Happy Christmas Shopping!

I am Ugly

I still remember how stress I was when Sunny came into my life.

And it is happening again. And it really brings out the really ugly side of me.

When Sunny first came into the house as a baby. It was a stressful period for me as I have to clean up after him. We fenced him up in the living room, and he was yet to be toilet trained. Sometimes when I came home, I would find him soiled in his pool of poo. It took me 2 hours to bath him, dry him and clean up the hardened poo that stucked on the floor. I was mad, I would whacked him real hard.

It took us quite sometime to toilet train him. It was a relief for me when he finally knew how to pee on the pee pan.

Unfortunately, Sunny started to refuse to pee on the pee pan lately. And this is driving me mad again. Just yesterday, I tried for almost two hours to get him to pee on the newspapers in the utility room in vain. Knowing that it was not going to work, I took him downstairs for a walk, hoping that he would relieve himself. When we came back, he peed on the floor.

I was so infuriated that I slapped him so hard that when I raised my hand a second time, he was shivering with fear.

And this morning, I've woken up by him at four plus in the morning to clean up his pee on the floor.

Sunny showed me once again that I am not a patient person. In fact, I find myself easily angered and when I am, the really ugly side of me comes out.

Is Sunny the God's way of taming me?

I just hope I don't grow to hate Sunny. Sometimes its just so inevitable. I came to realise that this was what happened to me when I was a kid. My parents didn't hate me from the start. It just happened. When they realised that I did not grow to be attached to them like I should being their son, they slowly grew to "not love" me. ( hate would be too strong a word )

I've accepted it and have not bear any grudges against them. I used to when I was young. I blamed them for not providing a loving environment for me in my growing years. Not anymore, cos I know that it was certainly not their intention to "loose" a son, at least in the emotional way.

However this realisation has not drawn me closer to my father.
It is hard. I am so programmed to shut myself out from him emotionally.
Sad? It is just part of the harsh reality we have to face.

As for Sunny, I hope it wouldn't turn out this way.

I will continue to say my prayers.

"God, please grant me the ability to toilet train Sunny."

It's not a prayer, It's a SOS.